Andy Williams suggests through song that the moments leading up to the big day itself – the 25th of December – is “the most wonderful time of the year”. As soon as Halloween is over and the irresistible sales of Black Friday entice hordes of parents to the high street shops, the festive frenzy is upon us. Erecting the Christmas tree, decorating your house from inside out, sellotaping greeting cards to the chimney breast, opening doors to your advent calendar, listening to carols and tunes by Wizzard, Slade, Mariah Carey, the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl, gorging yourself on roast turkey and all the trimmings, ice-skating, drinking mulled wine and waiting for an actor in a suit to be driven down your road to collect donations for the local Rotary club. And then there is the opening of the presents; the stuff eager children (and adults, let’s be fair) look forward to most of all. What, might you ask, could possibly make such a signature merry season be seen as something far more sinister than all of that? The words from a drunken sorority girl in the remake of Black Christmas (2006), waxing lyrically, gives us her ominous opinion:

“Christmas is more about warding off evil spirits than Halloween. It’s all neo-pagan magic. Christmas tree, a magical rite ensuring the return of the crops. The mistletoe is nothing but a conception charm. Fifth century Christians jacked a Roman Winter Festival – twelve days in December when the nights were long and the Earth was ruled by the demons of chaos. And fucking Santa Claus? This fat voyeur that watches you all year long to make sure you live up to his standards of decency before breaking into your house.”

Well, that certainly raises alarm bells as opposed to bells of the jingling kind. One of my favourite slasher sub-genres is the festive horror film which seems to be getting all the more popular with age – like a fine wine being knocked back by Margot Kidder or Crystal Lowe (pictured above). Last year, we saw Krampus and A Christmas Horror Story, plus an anthology mention in Holidays to give us more entertainingly twisted Christmassy treats. If these didn’t get you in a frightful mood – why not try the following? You can ‘check off’ to see which macabre movies are chillingly naughty or hair-raisingly nice. Celebrate an eerily enjoyable nightmare before Christmas here!

Black Christmas (1974)

“If this picture doesn’t make your skin crawl… it’s on TOO TIGHT.“

Often over-looked as it didn’t exactly generate a cycle or trend, Bob Clark’s seasonal independent Canadian slasher fades into obscurity, despite pre-dating the archetypal teen slasher Halloween (1978). Black Christmas also terrified audiences with a version of the babysitter-tormented-by-a-maniac-calling-from-inside-the-house urban legend five years before the release of When a Stranger Calls (1979). College students, including Olivia Hussey (Romeo and Juliet) and Margot Kidder (Superman), find themselves at the mercy of a madman hiding in the attic of their sorority house. Obscene phone calls and disappearances prompt the girls to alert Lt. Fuller (John Saxon – A Nightmare on Elm Street). After each resident has been picked off by the enigmatic squatter, it isn’t until the climax that Hussey (the ‘final girl’) is informed where the calls are originating from. The alcoholic house mother Mrs. Mac (Marian Waldman) and an inebriated Margot Kidder deliver great comic relief, oblivious to the circumstances they are in. Black Christmas effectively builds the tension with the identity of the killer shrouded in secrecy and the film’s composer producing a creepy, string instrument/ radiator pipe-sounding score by using a nifty trick of combs, forks and knives inside a piano. A telephone ringing when you’re home alone will put you in edge after watching this.

I love Black Christmas and it has become a tradition to watch the original and remake as a back-to-back double-bill on Christmas Day. That’s how I roll.

If you wondered what the sorority house looks like now – see below. When visiting Toronto in 2015 I couldn’t not stop by and have a peek…

Wind Chill (2007)

“There are worse things than dying.“

Emily Blunt experiences a road trip from hell while trying to get home for Christmas. A shared car journey, with a fellow university student Ashton Holmes (HBO’s The Pacific), does not go exactly to plan when they decide to take a short-cut. As luck would have it, they get stuck in the middle of a snow-covered route 606, following a near fatal collision. Blunt’s attitude is on par with the icy climate, similar to her animosity in The Devil Wears Prada (2004), but quickly turns to fear as the middle-of-nowhere location they have stumbled upon appears to be the site of a murderous, unsolved mystery with ghostly entities trapped in a spooky limbo. Cloaked priests and a violent policeman manifest while the pair desperately waits for help; questioning their sanity as the encounters with the dead become increasingly more hostile. Canada seems to be the favourite place to film as the college campus and the remote terrain in Wind Chill are actually based in Vancouver, British Columbia, not Pennsylvania. Nevertheless, route 606 is not a place you’d want to end up wherever it is – any time of the year.

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

“You’ve made it through Halloween, now try and survive Christmas.“

The premise of this splatter-horror may sound rather far-fetched. But if a violent escaped criminal dressed as Santa Claus killed your parents in front of you when you are a young child on Christmas Eve – there is bound to be some level of trauma associated with the holiday period. Far-fetched? I take it back. Unfortunately, for Billy Chapman (Robert Brian Wilson), his life didn’t get any better growing up in an orphanage under the strict, watchful eye of an abusive Mother Superior.  Upon turning eighteen and getting a job at a toy store, Billy is forced to don the over-sized red suit and fake bushy beard to keep the kids happy. But his past anxieties come flooding to the surface and trigger a deadly rampage. Decapitating a bully on a stolen sled and mounting an amorous blonde lady on razor-sharp antlers are some of the inventive ways Billy deals with his issues. At the time of its cinema release, Silent Night, Deadly Night caused quite a controversial stir for desecrating a public holiday with a clear novelty, profit-making agenda. Despite this negative criticism a cult fan base followed, along with four sequels and a remake: Silent Night (2012) starring Malcolm McDowell.

Saint (‘Das Sint‘) (2010)

“Santa’s come to slay.”

No, it’s not Billy Bob Thornton playing Bad Santa (2003), but close enough. Director Dick Maas’ bloody, tongue-in-cheek comedy-horror spans centuries from 1492 to present day; telling the haunting tale of “Sinterklaas” and his harrowing past. Once a bishop gone rogue, Niklas was burned alive due to his pillaging ways and returns with his clan of “Zwarte Pieten” to enact vengeance on the 5th of December. However, the citizens of Amsterdam consider the stories to be myths (FOOLS!) and continue to perpetuate a jovial tradition instead. That is, except for the sole survivor of the last attack, Goert (Bert Luppes) who fears Christmas so much he will riddle a wrapped present with bullets the moment he sees it. Realising the homicidal ghosts only return every 23 years during the cycle of a full moon, Goert tries to convince the townsfolk, but only high school student Frank (Egbert Jan Weeber) will listen. After he encounters the zombie-looking bishop, brandishing a staff on a horse in the middle of the street – he is rather open-minded, you know? So put this date in your diary and remember, remember the 5th of December…

Gremlins (1984)

“Cute. Clever. Mischievous. Intelligent. Dangerous.”

“Furbies”, which closely resemble the adorable “mogwais”, were a coveted Christmas gift back in 1998, so we clearly love the fluffy little dudes. This starts out as the case for Billy (Zach Galligan), when his inventive father brings home a treat from Chinatown. But how quickly the tables turn from Gizmo chirruping along to a tune on a Casio keyboard, mimicking Close Encounters of the Third Kind to what happens when you feed them after midnight or splash them with a bit of H20. When these circumstances arise we know to avoid Christmas trees, stairlifts, the kitchen and the local tavern where the sprouting gremlins will jump out at you, maim, torture and run amok. Unless you are Billy’s mother. Joe Dante, who has entertained us with The Howling, The ‘Burbs, and TV’s Eerie Indiana, joined Steven Spielberg and Chris Columbus to “make the illogical logical” in the dastardly funny creature-feature homage to It’s a Wonderful Life. Kate’s (Phoebe Cates) memorable reason for not celebrating Christmas (due to her father’s unfortunate accident when attempting to surprise her by climbing down the chimney) has not turned her into a psychotic serial killer so there is a silver lining. Corey Feldman also pops up to help save Christmas from the chaotic critters.

Dead End (2003)

“Read the signs.“

One might see the dreaded trip to the mother in-law’s for Christmas dinner in a similar light. But for the Harrington family, the unfathomable occurs when they get lost down a never-ending forest road, off the beaten track. The stress of the holidays and losing their way cause frictions; inciting the family to argue and bicker which most of us can relate to. French filmmakers Jean-Baptiste Andrea and Fabrice Canepa combine dark humour with nightmarish images of a woman in white and a strange black hearse that materialises to take each family member into the unknown before they can figure out what mysticism is afoot. Is the surreal chain of events a dream or are they in purgatory? It’s a bumpy ride that will keep you guessing until the final destination. Dead End stars Ray Wise (Twin Peaks) and Lin Shaye (Insidious and so many great horror films, beginning with A Nightmare on Elm Street as Nancy’s teacher). They are no strangers to the realms of horror and the bizarre and Lin Shaye should be in all of the horror films anyway. Dead End is one drive into the wilderness you’d be too frightened to ask “are we nearly there yet?”

A Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

“Just because I cannot see it, doesn’t mean I can’t believe it!“

Tim Burton’s musical, non-stop-motion animation compares Edward Bloom’s desire for love and success in Big Fish (2003) to Jack Skellington’s ambition to add a touch of the macabre Halloween charm to the intoxicating Christmas spirit. The disheartened Pumpkin King of Halloween Town finds himself questioning if there is more to life than the art of a good scare on All Hallows Eve. Jack’s philosophical contemplation is answered when his eyes are opened by the mesmerising beauty of Christmas Town. What could go wrong? Just misinterpreting Santa Claus as a maniacal ruler with an iron fist, plotting to kidnap him, take his place, and hijack the gift-giving process. Instead of spreading joy across the land, Jack is in for a shocking realisation that puts the rules and expectations of each public holiday into perspective. Composer Danny Elfman provides the singing voice for Jack’s upbeat repertoire, including “What’s This?” The Gothic milieu Burton and director Henry Selick (Coraline) recreate is complimented by a foot-tapping, sing-along soundtrack of fairytale proportions.

And last but not least, to add to your guilty viewing pleasure…

Black Christmas (2006)

“This holiday season, the slay ride begins.“

Katie Cassidy, daughter of 1970’s teen idol David Cassidy, stars in Glen Morgan’s updated sorority Yuletide massacre. This modernised house of horrors delves further into the pathological mind of Billy Lenz; illuminating us with a backstory, as well as plenty of buckets of blood and gore. The supporting cast and body count is made up of a gaggle of glossy brunettes: Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Death Proof), Michelle Trachtenberg (TV’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer), Lacey Chabert (Mean Girls) and Kristen Cloke (Final Destination). Fans will be happy to see there are plenty of references to the original: Clark’s Sanitarium is named after the director Bob Clark and the crystal unicorn ornament (which became Margot Kidder’s murder weapon) is a surprise present for Winstead. Actress Andrea Martin also returns, this time to play the new house mother Mrs. Mac. Compared to the limited amount of visible bloodshed in its 1974 predecessor, there is a lot of eye-gouging and the electronic ringtone of Tchaikovsky’s Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy is more likely to send a shiver down your spine.

Best line ever:

Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good nightmare!