“Do you believe in UFO’s, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full-trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?”

If your answer is yes, maybe or an indecisive sound with an upper inflexion you will be positively cock-a-hoop about the new documentary Cleanin’ Up the Town: Remembering the Ghostbusters. I got to see the trailer at Horror Channel’s FrightFest 2016 in August and assumed that it was about to be released. Sadly, we have to wait a bit longer for the exclusive insight into making Ghostbusters, which celebrated its 30th anniversary in 2014 along with a remake starring Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon, and Leslie Jones.

Cleanin’ Up the Town: Remembering the Ghostbusters is the brainchild of Anthony and Claire Bueno – brother and sister, not husband and wife. The project has taken eight years to make and aims to “tell the definitive story of how these much-loved films were made, the visual effect techniques used and to clear up any mystery of how these films came to fruition” – as stated in their Kickstarter campaign. There are over 70 interviews with the cast including Dan Aykroyd, Ernie Hudson, Sigourney Weaver, Annie Potts, and the late Harold Ramis. The crew have contributed with tit-bits from director Ivan Reitman, producers Joe Medjuck and Michael C. Gross, and the visual effects team: Richard Edlund, John Bruno, Dennis Muren, Steve Johnson, Randall William Cook, Howie Weed and Ned Gorman. Plus, the music talents of Ray Parker Jr. and Randy Edelman, as well as the film’s editor Sheldon Kahn look back at the magic their movie made.

Before it became one of the top-grossing films of 1984 (taking $229.2 million in Box Office sales) Dan Aykroyd’s initial concept for a time-travelling duo was set to star the late comedians John Belushi and John Candy who battle ghosts in alternate dimensions. However, script changes advised by director Ivan Reitman led to the blockbuster we all know and love today; teaming Aykroyd with a hilarious cast including Bill Murray, Harold Ramis, Rick Moranis, Ernie Hudson, Annie Potts and the action woman icon Sigourney Weaver. Its popularity paved the way for a sequel Ghostbusters II and two animated television shows: The Real Ghostbusters and Extreme Ghostbusters. Not to mention the toys and action figures (which I had), video games and LPs of the Ray Parker, Jr. theme song to boot.

At the 57th Academy Awards, Ghostbusters was Oscar-nominated for Best Visual Effects but lost out to Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Nevertheless, let’s celebrate the collection of ghosts who are the true stars of the film. Without them, no doubt, Peter Venkman would be exploring the effects of negative reinforcement on ESP ability as a rouse to date women and Egon Spengler would continue to collect spores, moulds, and fungus in his spare time. There wouldn’t even be an opportunity to venture into ‘Professional Paranormal Investigations and Eliminations’. Now this has clearly been put into context, get reacquainted with the ectoplasmic entities that kept the good doctors (and Winston Zeddemore) in business…

The Library Ghost

“Get her!”

Type: A free-floating full torso vaporous apparition

Hobbies and interests: Reading classic literature, Feng Shui

Location: Main branch of the New York Public Library

Description of encounter: Initially reported by ten witnesses (including an elderly librarian) at approximately 1:40pm, books flew off the shelves ten feet away, scattered reference cards into disarray and something screamed in a low, guttural menacing fashion. When the Ghostbusters arrive at the scene, the librarian in shock confirms: “I didn’t see any legs but it definitely had arms because it reached out for me”. She subsequently denies habitually taking drugs, stimulants, or alcohol to impair her senses.

Moving on to the depths of the library, the team are faced with an abundance of telekinetic activity: a column of “symmetrical book stacking”, sticky ectoplasmic residue is left behind for careless sample taking by a disgusted Venkman: “Somebody blows their nose and you want to keep it?” They make contact and speak to the Library Ghost, attempting to exchange pleasantries with small talk: “Hello, I’m Peter. Where are you from… originally?” Upholding library etiquette, the Library Ghost retorts with a “Ssshhhh.” After the explosive angry confrontation, the plan ends with the doctors running away scared in the opposite direction.

Slimer

“We came. We saw. We kicked its ass.”

Type: A focused, non-terminal repeating phantasm or Class-5 full roaming vapour

Hobbies and interests: Foodie and hotel mystery shopper

Location: The Sedgewick Hotel

Description of encounter: Situated on the 12th floor and infamous to the staff for ‘disturbances’, there are continued reports of unexplained phenomena over the past two weeks that have manifested into “an ugly little spud” AKA Slimer. This green, gluttonous ghoul is the Ghostbusters’ first job after opening for business. Janine Melnitz enthusiastically announces “We got one!” and down the pole they slide into the Ecto-1.

Having not been able to successfully test the ‘unlicenced nuclear accelerators’ or proton packs before going into the field, the lads are not sure what to expect other than being warned not to cross the streams. As a result, a maid’s cart is annihilated and Venkman is slimed; making him feel funky as well as desirable by Egon who requests a sample of the resin. To the hotel manager’s outrage, his ballroom and chandelier are destroyed but he is billed with a reduced special offer fee of $1000 for proton charging and storage of the beast; reduced from a standard $4000 charge for entrapment. Veni vidi vici.

Slimer escapes when the power grid is shut down and can be spotted sampling a mouthful of NYC treats from a hotdog street vendor, proving he is a free spirit by flying manically towards the screen at the end of the film.

Zuul

“There is no Dana, only Zuul.”

Type: Dog-like Demigod

Hobbies and Interests: Living in refrigerators, growling, and general possession

Location: The roof and 22nd floor, corner penthouse of “Spook Central”, 55 Central Park West, NYC, NY

Description of encounter: When Dana Barrett returns home with her food shopping she is surprised to have her eggs pop out of their carton and cook unaided on her kitchen countertop; minus a pan, oil or hob. It doesn’t stop there: an abhorrent beast, bearing resemblance to a horned Doberman, introduces itself as “Zuul” from a flaming portal in her fridge – the place where shelves of junk food are usually stored. We have to agree with Venkman’s astute statement: “Generally you don’t see that kind of behaviour in a major appliance.” The whole building is deemed to be “a super-conductive antenna that was designed expressly for pulling in spiritual and concentrating turbulence”, from the doctor/ architect/ cult leader Ivor Shandor.

For a short while, Zuul remains dormant and does not rear its pointy head until the night its many arms reach out from inside the chair Dana is reclining on; dragging her away to be possessed. Now all she has to worry about is fulfilling her role as the Gatekeeper awaiting the arrival of the Keymaster, Louis Tully. Both Dana and Louis are taken over by the shape-shifting demigods whose eyes glow red. They are also instilled with a heightened sexual appetite, causing Dana to thrash about and levitate above her bed when Venkman pays an antagonising visit. Once the Zuuls have completed their mission to enslave both Dana and Louis, they return to sit at the feet of Gozer’s temple as loyal and faithful servants.

Gozer the Gozerian

“Are you a God?”

Type: God of Destruction

Hobbies and Interests: Destruction, annihilation, Armageddon, and dressing androgynous

Location: A temple atop the roof of “Spook Central”

Description of encounter: Due to the extreme rise in kinetic energy throughout New York City, Egon analogises this to the proportions of a 35-foot-long, approximate 600 pound Twinkie. In other words: Revelations 7:12 — Judgement Day. This energy is a result of the impending arrival of Gozer the Gozerian (or Zildohar) who takes up residence where Shandor summoned it way back when. It’s a great spot with an unrivaled panoramic view. The Ghostbusters arduously climb the many flights of stairs to reach Gozer at the top of Dana’s apartment building for an epic stand-off.

The “prehistoric bitch” does not welcome mortals to challenge it and incapacitates the Ghostbusters before vanishing when fired upon with their proton packs. But this God, worshipped circa 6000 BC by the Hittites, Mesopotamians and Sumerians, is sneaky and opts to cause more damage in a different manifestation.

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man

“The Traveller has come…”

Type: Shape-shifted form of the Destructor

Hobbies and Interests: King Kong impersonator and power-walking

Location: Downtown New York City

Description of encounter: Gozer announces: “Choose and perish. Choose the form of the Destructor.” Due to Ray’s only thought at that inconvenient moment in time, the form of the ‘Traveller’ is that of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. While the other guys cleared their minds from being read, Ray could not help but think of what he considered to be the most harmless thing from his childhood.

The approximately 100-foot-tall spectral fictional mascot for the sweet and fluffy foodstuff steps on a church as it rambles through the New York City streets. Naturally, Venkman, Ray, Egon and Winston attempt to toast the Marshmallow Man and reduce the deity to sludge. This is ultimately done when they throw caution to the wind and dangerously cross the proton streams whilst aimed at Gozer’s temple. It’s to save and protect the city once and for all so give it a go, you know?

In addition to these come the supporting ghosts’ roles. The Dream Ghost features as an erotic ethereal blonde fantasy figure. She is shown undoing Ray’s trousers in bed, turning invisible and showing him a pleasurable time. It makes a change from a poltergeist throwing crap about and stealing your Aryan child through the closet.

In the news story montage sequence, we are told of ghosts petrifying the patrons of a restaurant in Chinatown and a fashionable dance club ‘The Rose’. Following the power cut, unleashed entities that descend upon the city include a subway ghoul and an emaciated-looking re-animated corpse of a cab driver.

After this amateur version of the Tobin’s Spirit Guide for the rundown of wraiths, should you find you are troubled by strange noises in the middle of the night or if you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic, you could call Ghostbusters on 555-2368. They’re ready to believe you. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. No job is too big, no fee is too big. Otherwise, learn all you need to know from Cleanin’ Up the Town: Remembering the Ghostbusters. It hasn’t got a UK cinema or home entertainment release date yet so keep track of the film’s progress by following the Facebook page here.

Let “coming soon” be very soon.